
Thoughts on the Topic of Marriage
· What God Wants For Marriage
· Why God Made Marriage
· The Challenge of Marriage
· Love Confirms the Authenticity of Marriage
· Marriage the Place Where Real Love is Practiced
· The Heart of Marriage
· The Problem of Marriage
· Making Families Strong
What God Wants For Our Marriage
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul , all your mind, and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31
Christ our Lord wants two people who do not always see everything the same and who are wired differently to come together to show each other the love that Christ displayed and taught us. We can do this and we can make it work with the key of knowing and applying real, effectual love. Marriage is the place for us to relinquish our pride and love, to forgive and to flourish. We will be hurt and disappointed, stepped on and humiliated, yet we must persevere in our love even when it does not make sense or if we feel that our spouse does not deserve our love or effort or does not appreciate or notice it.
Love is not a mere feeling or a matter of the heart, although love is accompanied by feelings and heart.
Our marriage will blow up and fail if we blindly follow what the heart feels and the heart wants. Neither is always good or beneficial for us.
Why God Made Marriage
Hebrews 13:4 a) “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.”
Marriage is good and was instituted by God even before the fall. It is how we are designed to be and live. Marriage is also a gift, where we can, in a mutually loving relationship, share our precious life experiences. He created this institution for our enjoyment and benefit. Marriage is also the union of two flawed, imperfect people who have been hurt by the sins of this world can prepare for the hope of the next world. We can exercise our relational aspect of needing to be with another, of being relational and not alone. It is where we can live effectually with hope and feel and know and practice real, effectual love. We can apply the love and forgiveness Christ gave us. This will allow us to do more, each being a helpmate to the other while growing in maturity and raising good and healthy children who love God and life-all becoming a precious family that is the anchor of community and civilization.
What marriage is not designed to do (that we sometimes force it to do) is be a place for loneliness, worry, and strife. We take what was to be good and turn it into a warzone to practice not love, forgiveness, or our growth in maturity, but rather hone our weapons of pride, arrogance, condescension, and contempt, or just withdraw, staying angry and bitter. Then, we fashion these ideals on our children and expect them to have better lives and marriages when all they learn is how not to do it.
The Challenge of Marriage
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other. John 15:12-17
Christ's love was expressed not only in words but also in His sacrificial death. We may not have to sacrifice ourselves literally for our spouse, but we have to see that real love is sacrificial. Simply and profoundly put, we are to love! We may see our marriage as dry or dysfunctional or stuck-and maybe it is. We tried to change our spouse and realized that would never work. They, in turn, tried to change us and we did not want to be changed. We tried to manipulate, to woo, to hide, and/or to attack and all led to discontent. We wanted contentment. We are frustrated, confused, and disillusioned and that glee we had as an engaged or newly married couple has dissipated and all we have not is despair or divorce. But, there is hope! You can have love if you are willing to love and be loved!
The challenge we have is that it may be our instinct or inclination to give up and move on, but what we give up is what God made as His best for us. We have to desire to make it work no matter how we feel or what we can see. We have to want to be in a good marriage to have a good marriage. We can't allow our pettiness to overwhelm and consume us and it all comes down to what I said in the beginning: we have to lead our heart and not be led by it! Look up and see our Savior. Allow Him to be your lead to your will and heart. This is the essential aspect to growth, to be willing to grow to be willing to work it out, seek forgiveness and reconciliation as Christ did with your very soul. We must pursue our spouse with real love-not pettiness and retribution. No matter what we have been through, we can turn this around.
The question is, do you love and value Christ as Lord? If so, you are on the right track and more than halfway there. Now you need to take His love and let it infuse you so it can come out of you. You need to have a desire to grow in your faith and knowledge to lead your heart effectively. Consider this: if we do not get a grasp on grace and how Christ loves us, we will only see problems and then regress in distress. We have to take our nuptials seriously, be willing to work for it just as a soldier is willing to die for his or her county. Are you willing to live for your Lord and your spouse? We can be committed to solve our problems. If not, we will fail our marriage and disappoint our Lord and Savior!
Christ's love was expressed not only in words but also in His sacrificial death. We may not have to sacrifice ourselves literally for our spouse, but we have to see that real love is sacrificial. Simply and profoundly put, we are to love! We may see our marriage as dry or dysfunctional or stuck-and maybe it is. We tried to change our spouse and realized that would never work. They, in turn, tried to change us and we did not want to be changed. We tried to manipulate, to woo, to hide, and/or to attack and all led to discontent. We wanted contentment. We are frustrated, confused, and disillusioned and that glee we had as an engaged or newly married couple has dissipated and all we have not is despair or divorce. But, there is hope! You can have love if you are willing to love and be loved!
The challenge we have is that it may be our instinct or inclination to give up and move on, but what we give up is what God made as His best for us. We have to desire to make it work no matter how we feel or what we can see. We have to want to be in a good marriage to have a good marriage. We can't allow our pettiness to overwhelm and consume us and it all comes down to what I said in the beginning: we have to lead our heart and not be led by it! Look up and see our Savior. Allow Him to be your lead to your will and heart. This is the essential aspect to growth, to be willing to grow to be willing to work it out, seek forgiveness and reconciliation as Christ did with your very soul. We must pursue our spouse with real love-not pettiness and retribution. No matter what we have been through, we can turn this around.
The question is, do you love and value Christ as Lord? If so, you are on the right track and more than halfway there. Now you need to take His love and let it infuse you so it can come out of you. You need to have a desire to grow in your faith and knowledge to lead your heart effectively. Consider this: if we do not get a grasp on grace and how Christ loves us, we will only see problems and then regress in distress. We have to take our nuptials seriously, be willing to work for it just as a soldier is willing to die for his or her county. Are you willing to live for your Lord and your spouse? We can be committed to solve our problems. If not, we will fail our marriage and disappoint our Lord and Savior!
Love Confirms the Authenticity of Marriage!
Gratitude promotes peace and secures a content heart whereas sin and turmoil become cancerous and adversely affect others around us (Col. 2:2, 3:15-17).
By the same token, most people (even most Christians) do not know what love really is. We may know 1 Corinthians 13 and may even have memorized it, but may I dare you to ask yourself, do you practice it? Do you know what those words mean? Do you know what love really is? Do you know that what love is not is as important as what love is? Most of us have this all backwards. We think we know the answers, but in fact, we do not. We may not know that Love is more of an act of our will than it is a feeling, that love is a choice. Read this chapter and answer these questions honestly.
1 Corinthians 13 “If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. 2) If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. 3) If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. 4) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 5) It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 6) It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7) Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8) Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. 9) Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! 10) But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear. 11) It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.12) Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now. 13) There are three things that will endure—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”
Yes, love comes as a feeling, but feelings are fleeting, thus why Hollywood marriages only last a few months, and why most marriages today barely go beyond five years. Do you know that love is not about what you want or desire? Rather, it seeks what the other person needs.
Did you know that real love takes us beyond ourselves and into the other person? When you fully understand what love is and dedicate yourselves to practice it, then you will have a thriving and content marriage. It may take time, but it will unfold because you are unfolding what God has for you and placing His principles in play. You have to be willing to not just guard your heart to listen to it; you must lead it to the right wellbeing and prosperity and that is with the one God has brought you.
Marriage, The Place Where Real Love Is Practiced
Sadly, most people do not know what love or the heart are all about. Heart, in biblical language, means the inner will where one's desires and conflicts reside. It is also associated with peace in our hearts that makes peace with others and peace in the family and church that influences the world. Our heart is what controls and rules us most of the time. Yet, as Christians, we are to be directed by God's principles, His character, and the Holy Spirit's leading, and apply these to ourselves and relationships-especially with our spouse. Being led by the Word of God will enable us to be filled with the Spirit of God; they go together. One cannot be effective in life, ministry, or marriage without both. You cannot say the Spirit fills you by being emotionally ecstatic or erratic while you ignore God's Word and hurt your spouse. It is not the heart that gives us hope, reason, purpose, meaning, and motivation; our Lord does that though His Word that we cultivate, and the growth in our mindsets that influence our attitudes, outlooks, and actions in life and in family. This will either fill our lives with hope or despair, joy or discontent, gratitude or ingratitude, contentment or dissatisfaction, all dependent upon our willingness to lead our hearts right. A real Christian is willing to be controlled and filled by Christ and not by apprehension, selfishness, turmoil, damaged past, or uncertainty (Eph.5:8, Col.3:19.)
The Heart of Marriage
God wants our marriages to be centers of His redemptive work, lived and played out to bring unity and security. A marriage is two people coming together in a sinful world to form an intimate, communal community-a family. The family, starting with two, and may expand, can be a platform for character development where the issues of life and faith with a life partner who has our best interest in mind are wrestled. It is an area where we help each other work out faults and hurts, and trust and build upon our relationship with God and each other. Family is the safe harbor where we are honest and help each other grow, leaving behind our self-centered nature and embracing another person. It helps us teach one another, grow in our love, overcome obstacles, and celebrate victories. This is how we learn to love, grow in that love, even fail in that love, then pick it up continuing to communicate and commune with one another and with our Lord and Savior together.
God knows this will be difficult, but He knows it is doable, achievable, and even pleasant. He knows that we each think differently and are wired differently; in fact, many times we are in opposition. We grow up in different places with different experiences, and we come together with our bags of desires, expectations, burdens, fears, faults, hurts, and expectation for joy. We soon collide into each other's faults and our expectations crash into our spouse's expectations where we are dented with our disappointments because we missed God's signposts of love and His precepts on how to make this work.
Yet He is there; Christ is staying with us through our marriage while He seeks to help us do it right. Our pride and refusal to make it work are what stand in the way.
Eph 4:2 - Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.
Col 3:13 - You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
The Problem of Marriage
'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.' Lev. 19:18
We need to see our need to be loved and to allow ourselves to be loved. We need to see that our spouse is not our enemy; he/she needs to be loved, and loved no matter what. We have to see beyond the hurt to push forward; this takes effort and courage.
The basic problem is we are flawed people who have been so hurt in life by one another we sometimes can't see what we are to do with that hurt. So, we become hurting people who in turn hurt those who are close to us and love us. We can hurt ourselves by overeating, or we can drink alcohol, or we can seek medication or some substance or person to sooth us, or we can fight and hurt back with more force than what we received, or we can leave behind what God has made and seek something more or better. The problem is that all this does is make things worse, because there is nothing better. We need to see that our pride is in the way and our heart is going in the wrong direction; it is evil and we must let it go. We also need to see our need to be loved and to allow ourselves to be loved. We need to see that our spouse is not our enemy; he/she needs to be loved, and loved no matter what.
Making Families Strong Boils Down To Six Major Qualities
These qualities don’t just happen. People made them happen. They are the result of "deliberate intention and practice."
What then are these six characteristics that make a family successful and strong?
First, strong families are committed to making the family work. Such families don't expect perfection from each other. They accept each other as they are, and accept responsibilities and work together as a team. Their commitment goes far beyond feelings. Commitment is constant. It is an act of the will. In other words, if we want a strong, happy family, we need to be committed to making it happen.
Second, happy families spend time together, not only quality time but quantity time. They work, they plan, they struggle, and they play together. This is much easier said than done, but done it must be if we want strong families.
Third, successful families have effective communications. To communicate effectively, each family member needs to be encouraged to express not only his or her thoughts, ideas, and opinions, but also his or her feelings in constructive ways and have them accepted. Without this there can be no intimacy and families end up as strangers living together alone.
Fourth, strong families express appreciation to each other. A common complaint from family members is: "I feel taken for granted and don't feel appreciated. Spouses and children can all feel the same. It is so easy to say, "Thank you. I really appreciate your washing and ironing my shirts, cooking my meals, mowing the yard, cleaning up your room, leaving the bathroom tidy, taking out the garbage, bringing home the paycheck–but most of all I appreciate you just because you're you."
Fifth, happy families are able to solve problems in a crisis. Mature people know that crises come to every family simply because we live in an imperfect world. And while crises often drive weaker families apart, they draw stronger families together and help make them stronger. The strong may bend under a crisis but not break, and they always bounce back.
Sixth, successful families have a strong spiritual commitment. Strong families have a high degree of spiritual orientation and commitment. Not all belong to organized churches, but most do. They all consider themselves to be highly committed to their spiritual lives."
To Tie This Together: people who have happy marriages and strong families are those who are committed to making their families strong. They work hard at communicating effectively. They spend time together. They express love and appreciation. They accept crises as normal and know how to work through them, and above all they trust in God and apply their faith to everyday living.
Would you like to have a happier and stronger family? You can. A good place to start is by insuring your family members have good Bible teaching and Christian fellowship. The best staring place for that is to attend a godly local church.
Brother Jerry / brothermiller1@yahoo.com